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Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

 


 

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate : K, but don't tell anybody
DirtyKate : Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate : You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate : Haha! OK
DirtyKate : Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So   Bloodninja: that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate : I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate : Umm...Yes
DirtyKate : So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate : I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate : So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja: How did you know?
Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKatei: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate : Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The Bloodninja: mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit Bloodninja: through the front door....
DirtyKate : What the f**k?
DirtyKate : You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate : F**k

 


 

Bloodninja  : Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja  : What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja  : Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja  : You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja  : You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja  : Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja  : I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja  : I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja  : my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja  : Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja  : My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja  : Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

 


 

bloodninja     : Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja     : Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja     : Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja     : Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja     : I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja     : I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja     : I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja     : Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja     : I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja     : Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja     : King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals
bloodninja     : my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja     : You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja     : Baby?

 


 

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3  : thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3  : haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3  : i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3  : haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3  : i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3  : No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3  : stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3  : thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls
bloodninja:  collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: **** am I hard now.

 


 

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA     : Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA     : huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA     : Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA     : oh
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
eminemBNJA     : damn I gotta write down your names or something

 


 

sweet17   : Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17   : just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17   : nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17   : well sorrrrrry
sweet17   : I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17   : nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17   : yes?
bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17   : paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17   : of what?
sweet17   : me?
bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17   : LOL
bloodninja: Don't ******* laugh at me!
bloodninja: This **** is serious!
sweet17   : What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17   : gimme a ******* break
bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17   : I don't get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17   : For what?
bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17   : For???
bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17   : You are ******* sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17   : why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17   : One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17   : I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17   : hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: **** you, cop!
sweet17   : Hey sorry
sweet17   : I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17   : thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17   : I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17   : IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17   : fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17   : alright *PIC*
sweet17   : Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17   : That was me back in may
sweet17   : I've lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17   : what?!?
sweet17   : that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17   : Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17   : yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17   : kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17   : this isn't you.
bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17   : You don't look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17   : cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17   : You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17   : Go **** yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17   : I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17   : You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17   : you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17   : I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17   : I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17   : **** YOU!!!
bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17   : You're a ******* *******!
sweet17   : I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17   : and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17   : No you aren't
bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17   : I'm done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17   : I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17   : No
bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17   : You'll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17   : I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17   : I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17   : Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17   : I don't know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17   : I'm afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17   : cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17   : well lets see
sweet17   : you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17   : doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17   : well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17   : I didn't say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17   : I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17   : What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17   : ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17   : You can't be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
sweet17   : this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17   : Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17   : sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
sweet17   : mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17   : Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17   : HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17   : mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17   : HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17   : this is stupid
bloodninja: ...still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17   : HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17   : WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17   : OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17   : YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17   : **** YOU *******!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: ...going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

 


 

SoulSlayer3000: hey!
SoulSlayer3000: im 16/m/Cali
Bballgrl4598: 17/f/ca here
SoulSlayer3000: awesome
SoulSlayer3000: want to cyber?
Bballgrl4598: yea
SoulSlayer3000: cool, im a pirate but i doubt that matters
Bballgrl4598: if u lead
SoulSlayer3000: I slowly take off your shirt and massage your breasts while muttering "yarr"
Bballgrl4598: I slip off my skirt and your pants and lay naked on the floor
SoulSlayer3000: I pull off my peg leg slowly and begin to rub it on your clitoris while taking off my eyepatch
SoulSlayer3000: yarr this feels good
SoulSlayer3000: want to feel my mastpole?
SoulSlayer3000: lick the crows nest?
Bballgrl4598: oh yes
SoulSlayer3000: I lay my parrot on your chest and let it peck your nipples, hard from the ocean breeze
SoulSlayer3000: do you like that?
Bballgrl4598: mm hmm
SoulSlayer3000: this isnt working for me... must have been the seawater I drank earlier. will u be a pirate too?
Bballgrl4598: lol im sorry...im into cyber, but this pirate thing...no offense, is just not a turn on
SoulSlayer3000: argghhh wait
SoulSlayer3000: i can do better, lassie
SoulSlayer3000: please?
Bballgrl4598: lol! no im sorry, your doing fine, its just the pirate theme is kinda fucked up. so are u lol.
SoulSlayer3000: just a little more
SoulSlayer3000: im almost about to cum
SoulSlayer3000: please?
Bballgrl4598: keep goin then you freak
SoulSlayer3000: I slam my "harpoon" into your cavernous depths like a coral reef penetrated by a massive barnicle-
  ridden moray eel.
SoulSlayer3000: will u come with me to my pirate wonderland?
SoulSlayer3000: in the sky?
SoulSlayer3000: ?
SoulSlayer3000: my pet sea otter Jizzbiscuit will lead the way
Bballgrl4598: leave me alone please i dont want to play pirate anymore you are fucked up seriously

 



Wellhung  : Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36.
Sweetheart: What do you look like?
Wellhung  : I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt
Wellhung  : with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung  : OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. Sweetheart: My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung  : I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung  : Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung  : I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung  : My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung  : I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts  are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung  : I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are Sweetheart: erect for you.
Wellhung  : How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung  : I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung  : I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung  : I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung  : I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung  : I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung  : I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung  : I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung  : I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung  : I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung  : I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung  : I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung  : I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung  : I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung  : Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung  : Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung  : OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung  : I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung  : I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung  : I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung  : I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung  : OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung  : I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung  : I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung  : I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung  : I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung  : No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your Wellhung  : candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung  : I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look Wellhung  : on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung  : Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart:

 


 

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...
J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dipshit.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

 


 

J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the fuck are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you think it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a J-Dogg: beautiful japanese haiku.
J-Dogg: The salmon swim at night.
J-Dogg: Towards your room.
J-Dogg: The snow and the moon.
Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.

 


 

Jdogg:Hey
QT-Pie:Hey
Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

 


 

hotstud69: Hello there
blondebabe4u: Hi
hotstud69: What is your name?
blondebabe4u: Sandy, urs?
hotstud69: Bob, nice to meet you.. what are you doing tonight?
blondebabe4u: Nothing, just chatting, u?
hotstud69: not too much, just sitting around... what are you wearing?
blondebabe4u: oh just my thong and a tank top.
hotstud69: oh wow, I would love to see that, what do you look like?
blondebabe4u: I am 5'6" blonde hair, green eyes, 120 lbs, you?
hotstud69: i am 6'0" 175, brown hair, blue eyes, and tan
blondebabe4u: you sound very handsome
hotstud69: how about I pull that tank top off?
blondebabe4u: Oh Bob, i would love for you too....
hotstud69: Oh yea, those look great... they feel nice too
blondebabe4u: yes bob, my 36D's like that, you are good
hotstud69: oh yes, they feel so good, I am squeezing them..
blondebabe4u: yes bob, you know what you are doing.
hotstud69: Oh yea, I am getting so excited
blondebabe4u: need me to help you there Bob
hotstud69: oh yea, let me unzip for you
blondebabe4u: oh wow bob, you have a nice one
hotstud69: OH SHIT
blondebabe4u: What?
hotstud69: SON OF A BITCH!!!
blondebabe4u: whats wrong?
hotstud69: Got it stuck in the zipper...
blondebabe4u: What?
hotstud69: oh god, I am bleeding.....
blondebabe4u: bob, are you ok?
hotstud69: OMG... OMG...
blondebabe4u: Bob??
hotstud69: I am feeling faint... blood everywhere...
blondebabe4u: are you ok?
hotstud69: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!
blondebabe4u: what bob what??
hotstud69: IT FEEL OFF!!!!!!!!!!!
blondebabe4u: fell off?
hotstud69: it is on the floor, laying there... I am looking at it, damn, thought it would be bigger.........
blondebabe4u: call an abulance...
hotstud69: I can't
blondebabe4u: why
hotstud69: Because I am on the computer
blondebabe4u: well get off
hotstud69: the last time tried to get off, my dick fell off........
blondebabe4u: bob??
blondebabe4u: bob??
blondebabe4u: bob??
hotstud69: has left the room

 


 

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?

 



<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"

 


 

<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

 


 

<LordChewy> so my dad found my porn folder
<LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy> so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
<LordChewy> "i know dad"
<LordChewy> "what do you have to say for yourself?"
<LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and Settings- Ricky My Documents - faxes - sent faxes"
<LordChewy> and he just shut up
<kingKahn> what is it?
<LordChewy> its his porn folder

 


 

<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

 


 

<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^

 



VictimX_27: Hi there!
cheesedog: HEYA!
VictimX_27: What u up 2?
cheesedog: Nice English.
cheesedog: Did you learn that on the short bus?
VictimX_27: Get fucked
cheesedog: I'm just joking relax
VictimX_27:
cheesedog: What's your name?
VictimX_27: Whats yours?
cheesedog: I asked you first.
VictimX_27: I asked you second
cheesedog: Did I time just warp to middle school?
VictimX_27: huh
cheesedog: Never mind. My name is Johnny
cheesedog: Johnny Cheesedog
VictimX_27: Thats not your real name
cheesedog: Why isn't that my real name?
VictimX_27: No one has the name Cheesedog as a last name
cheesedog: Well I do. Whats wrong with it?
VictimX_27: Nothin i suppose
VictimX_27: Is that your real pic in that av?
cheesedog: Yes it is
VictimX_27: Very handsome
cheesedog: Thanks
VictimX_27: You kinda look like eminem
cheesedog: Fuck you.
VictimX_27: HEY! I meant that in a good way
VictimX_27: I think eminem is hot!
cheesedog: Oh. You think I'm hot?
VictimX_27: Yeah
cheesedog: What do you look like?
cheesedog: Do you have a pic?
VictimX_27: I don't show my picture to anyone
cheesedog: Why not?
VictimX_27: Cause I'm ugly
cheesedog: I won't make fun of you
VictimX_27: Its not that. I just don't like my looks
cheesedog: So you have no self-esteem, huh?
cheesedog: Is that what you're saying?
VictimX_27: I just don't think I'm pretty
cheesedog: Let me be the judge of that.
VictimX_27: Nahhh
cheesedog: Then describe yourself.
VictimX_27: Why do u wanna know what I look like?
cheesedog: Because I think you're nice
cheesedog: I want to picture you in my head while I'm talking to you.
VictimX_27: LMAO!! You don't want 2 picture me. Trust me
cheesedog: Why not?
VictimX_27: I told you. I'm ugly.
cheesedog: Well... I think you're beautiful on the inside.
VictimX_27: You don't even know me
cheesedog: I'm a pretty good judge of character
VictimX_27: Then why do u need 2 see me?
cheesedog: I just wanted to know thats all
cheesedog: If you aren't comfortable with it... thats fine.
VictimX_27: You don't understand
cheesedog: Is it that bad?
VictimX_27: YESSSSS
cheesedog: Ok then. I'm gonna picture you as Weezy from the Jeffersons.
cheesedog: She is the bomb!
cheesedog: She makes me hot just thinking about her!
VictimX_27: Wheezy?
cheesedog: Yep. Weezy.
VictimX_27: Who is that?
cheesedog: George's wife.
VictimX_27: Who is george
cheesedog: George Jefferson. From the Jeffersons.
cheesedog: Are you fucking deaf?
VictimX_27: Who are the Jeffersons?
cheesedog: Oh lord. Here we go
VictimX_27: wut?
cheesedog: You don't know who the Jeffersons are?
VictimX_27: Should I?
cheesedog: Yes.
VictimX_27: Well I don't.
cheesedog: FISH DONT FRY IN THE KITCHEN! BEANS DONT BURN ON THE GREEEELL...
VictimX_27: huhhh?
cheesedog: TOOK A WHOOOOLE LOTTA LU UH VINNNN. JUST TO GET UP THAT HEEEELL
VictimX_27: Wut the hell are you saying?
cheesedog: Hold on a second
cheesedog: Here you go. *PIC*
VictimX_27: Thats her?
cheesedog: Yep
VictimX_27: I don't look anything like that
cheesedog: SHUT UP! You're ruining my fantasy!
VictimX_27: LOL. You're funny.
cheesedog: What's funny?
VictimX_27: u r
cheesedog: I'm glad I entertain you
VictimX_27: me 2
cheesedog: So if you don't look like Weezy, what do you look like?
VictimX_27: u don't give up do u?
cheesedog: Never
VictimX_27: I'm the exact opposite of her
cheesedog: ???
VictimX_27: I'm very white
cheesedog: Thats cool, my white anti-soul sista'
VictimX_27: LOL
cheesedog: I can dig white chicks too, I guess.
VictimX_27: I'm whiter than most
cheesedog: really?
VictimX_27: I'm an albino
cheesedog: a what?
VictimX_27: u don't know what that is?
cheesedog: I've heard the word before
VictimX_27: I have no pigment in my skin, eyes or hair
VictimX_27: So I'm all white
cheesedog: This is bullshit
VictimX_27: I'm serious!
VictimX_27: You've never seen an albino before?
cheesedog: No. Where do they live? Albinia?
VictimX_27: No, we live all over.
cheesedog: Then how come I've never seen any
VictimX_27: Lucky I suppose
cheesedog: Send me your picture. I wanna know what an albino looks like.
VictimX_27: I'll send you a picture of one but not me
cheesedog: Ok
VictimX_27: Here u go *PIC*
cheesedog: Whoa. Thats freaky
VictimX_27: See why I don't send my picture out?
cheesedog: there's nothing wrong with it.
cheesedog: It doesn't make you ugly
cheesedog: This chick is kind of hot actually.
VictimX_27: Thank u
cheesedog: No problem
cheesedog: Her, not you. I don't know what you look like.
VictimX_27: Are you gonna be on in 3 hours?
cheesedog: Yes
VictimX_27: I have to go to the mall with my sister
VictimX_27: Will you be here when I get back?
cheesedog: S ure. Then I'll sex you up.
VictimX_27: Gee thanks. LOL
cheesedog: I'm serious
VictimX_27: We'll see.
cheesedog: Yes we will.
VictimX_27: Bye for now!
cheesedog: Make sure you wear some sunscreen.
VictimX_27: <USER HAS LOGGED OUT>

About 3 hours later...

VictimX_27: HEY!
cheesedog: Hello there
VictimX_27: I'm back
cheesedog: Have fun at the mall?
VictimX_27: Yeah. I got some new shoes
cheesedog: Interesting
VictimX_27: Not really. Just shoes
cheesedog: You ready to be sexed up now?
VictimX_27: LOL
cheesedog: Is that a yes?
VictimX_27: Could be
VictimX_27:
cheesedog: HOT DAMN!
cheesedog: I gently suck your nipples
cheesedog: I feel them get hard then I jam my hand down your..
VictimX_27: WOAH! Slow down cowboy
cheesedog: Why?
VictimX_27: I'm not just gonna cyber with you if thats all you want
cheesedog: What do you mean?
VictimX_27: You're not going to ignore me later are you?
cheesedog: Of course not.
cheesedog: I like you.
VictimX_27: I don't even know how old you are.
cheesedog: I'm 27. Now....
cheesedog: I gently massage your breasts with my rough hands
cheesedog: I roll your nipples between my fingers
VictimX_27: WAIT!
cheesedog: They get hard again... what?
VictimX_27: Don't you wanna know anything about me first?
VictimX_27: Like what I like?
cheesedog: Oh yeah. Sure. Hurry up.
VictimX_27: That didn't sound convincing.
cheesedog: YES I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW!!!
VictimX_27: Now u r being a smartass
VictimX_27: Just give me a minute
cheesedog: ok
VictimX_27: I'm back
cheesedog: np
VictimX_27: thank you
cheesedog: So what do you like?
VictimX_27: Ummmm being licked
cheesedog: Where?
VictimX_27: Everywhere
cheesedog: Any place in particular?
VictimX_27: uhhh yeah
cheesedog: tell me
VictimX_27: on my clit
cheesedog: OK!
cheesedog: NOW YOU'RE TALKIN!
VictimX_27: I also like being done from behind
cheesedog: Ooooooohhhh.
cheesedog: Ok. Check this out.
cheesedog: We're in an abandoned building.
cheesedog: No is around. Its all quiet.
VictimX_27: Uh huh
cheesedog: I gently unbutton your pants and slide my hand across your clit
cheesedog: You get all warm and juicy.
cheesedog: I slip your panties down and continue to massage your pussy
VictimX_27: oooohh mmmm
cheesedog: I place my mouth on your pussy as I eat you from behind
cheesedog: I wiggle my tounge around across your moist hole
VictimX_27: yessss
cheesedog: I cover your ears with my hands as I eat you.
cheesedog: Egon and Ray sneak in from the back.
cheesedog: *Powering up Proton packs*
VictimX_27: ???
cheesedog: Then... Egon BLASTS your pasty white ass!!
cheesedog: POW!! BZZZZZTTTTTPHTTTTTT!!!
cheesedog: Winston and Peter set up the containment trap....
VictimX_27: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!!
cheesedog: You wiggle around in the proton streams buck naked
cheesedog: The streams almost cross! Look out!!
cheesedog: Peter smacks you across the chin with his gun
cheesedog: They open the trap and it sucks your pale ass in!
VictimX_27: This isn't funny johnny!
cheesedog: SHUT UP! YOUR CAUGHT!
cheesedog: **puts you in the containment area**
cheesedog: Slimer is in there too..
VictimX_27: YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!
cheesedog: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!
cheesedog: Now...Slimer sticks his green, slimey cock in your pigmentless ass.
cheesedog: **HE SLIMES YOU!**
VictimX_27: Never talk to me again!
cheesedog: He cums all over your hair... but no one notices cause its the same color
VictimX_27: FUCK YOUUUU
cheesedog: He eats a powdered donut!
VictimX_27: SHUT UP AND FUCK YOUUUU!!!!!
cheesedog: o wait! It was your hand, you scary, white whore!
VictimX_27: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
cheesedog: Chill out, Casper. You're trapped, I said.
cheesedog: Slimer goes to lick your clit.
cheesedog: But there is already slime on your it!!
cheesedog: Slimer thinks you are a cheater and gets jealous!!
cheesedog: HE RIPS YOUR WHITE TITS OFF!
VictimX_27: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!
cheesedog: **Plays volleyball with them**
VictimX_27: <USER HAS LOGGED OUT>

 



once upon a midnight dreary,
while i pron surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'.
 
While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning,
and my heart was filled with mourning,
mourning for my dear amour,
 
" 'Tis not possible!", i muttered,
" give me back my free hardcore!"
..... quoth the server, 404.